You know of which Windsors I speak. The Buckingham Palace Windsors. The Balmoral Castle Windsors. The Windsors of Sandringham.
A truly thoughtless gift would be a keychain.
The Windsors, it dawned on me, don’t use keychains. The Windsors don’t carry keys. And if they did, can you imagine how heavy that keychain would be? Not just a key for the front door, but a key for the drawbridge, a key for the portcullis, a key for the dungeon. … If you were to throw a set of keys at a royal, I bet they wouldn’t have the instinct — or strength — to catch it. You toss a set of keys at any one of the royals and they’re going to let it whizz right by their heads. They are also probably going to summon people who do have keys, as well as locks, and they’re going to have you put away.